Guilt And Past Regret
by adagio11
Summary: They all had something to feel guilty for. Something to regret...[Post Hiatus][Slight TATE]
1. Tony's POV

Guilt And Past Regret 

**Summary: **Gibbs was okay, but still, some of them felt very guilty

**Pairing: **Slight slight Tate

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada. DiNozzo quote

**A/N: **My one and only post Hiatus fic. It's pretty boring, but I had to write one. Hiatus part 1&2 were both such emotional episodes. I loved them.

Tony's POV 

He'd heard them all. The clichés and the expressions. The one he hated the most was that time would heal all wounds. Maybe it was true but wounds always left a scar. A reminder of the moment of pain. If it wasn't physical, it was often mental. And sometimes, the scar made itself acknowledged again.

Tony DiNozzo's wound was so deep that he and especially others doubted that it would ever heal. And now the wound was torn open again. The wound that had inserted itself into his mind and soul, more than a year ago. May 24th. He still remembered the date. So clearly. Tony sighed and took seat on his couch. This past days had been like déjà vu.

The same dates, the same hard work, the terrorists and the same constant feeling of unease. And according to Tony, things were no as screwed up as a year ago. When he'd seen Gibbs leave the bullpen…it was like déjà vu. The same feeling crept in. The same feeling that had bothered him ever since Kate's funeral.

The feeling of guilt. Tony still felt that he'd betrayed Kate, for not protecting her, and now he'd betrayed Gibbs too. Gibbs, who Tony, in some strange way, almost saw as a fathers figure. Gibbs had left him to take care of the team, their team. That almost was like a family, which by now had lost two of its members within a year. Things were changing, and according to Tony, they were changing to fast. A tear trickled down his cheek and he angrily wiped it away. It wasn't like him to cry, but he had to admit that he needed it. He hadn't shed a tear when Kate died. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't make himself to cry. But now he did and soon he fell asleep from pure exhaustion, with that nagging feeling of guilt still hovering over him.

**A/N: Well, hope you liked this short little POV ;) Please review!**


	2. Gibbs' POV

Disclaimer: You know the drill...otherwise check the previous page. 

A/N: Please review. It means a lot to me!

Gibbs' POV 

It had been like waking up from a dream. Not necessarily a nightmare, but a dream. It had been like waking up but not being able to recall that dream, and in this case, recall the last fifteen years. He'd remembered Shannon and Kelly's funeral. It was something about that, that felt familiar to but he couldn't put his finger on it. He'd also remembered how he shot their killer.

Then it got kind of blurry. When he woke up, it felt like his mind remembered, but refused to tell him. Ducky had tried, Jenny had tried. Even his old boss had come to try, people who he'd known for so long. They desperately tried to help him remember. But it didn't help and he got more and more frustrated.

But it was Ziva who pulled the trigger, so to say. The head slap was what had opened up his mind. Small fragments began to come back when he'd felt his own hand on the back of her head. Her, Abby, McGee, Tony, Jenny, Ducky, Palmer and Mike his boss. And then Ziva made him remember two more important names from his past. Kate…and Ari. Gibbs still felt guilty for Kate's death. The young woman, who'd been like his daughter, who'd actually reminded him of Kelly. She'd died too, right in front of his eyes.

Ari…He suddenly remembered it all. Ziva'd shot him, her own brother. To protect her new boss and bring justice to a woman whom she never knew. Gibbs felt guilty for that too. Without hesitation, she'd shot her big brother. A big brother, who probably had protected his baby sister like big brothers always did. Who probably had taught her tricks that only big brothers knew. Gibbs remembered the look he'd gotten from his team when he left. Especially Abby's. His other "daughter".

And then, Tony's look when he handed him the badge and the gun. The same that Tony had worn ever since Kate died. It was more than a year ago and that look still laid over his features. Gibbs had always known something was going on between his agents. And that after Tony fell sick with the plague, it would only be a matter of time. Time fate decided they didn't have. When he'd saw Kate's body fall to the ground, his eyes had immediately wandered to Tony. It happened automatically, if something'd happened to Kate, Gibbs'd always searched for Tony's reaction and vice versa.

So as fast Gibbs turned his head to Tony that day, he saw tha tTony's face had already gotten that look. The same look Gibbs knew he wore himself. The look everybody who'd lost someone they loved, wore. Yeah, Gibbs was certain. Tony had loved Kate, just as much as he himself had loved Shannon and Kelly.

**A/N: That was Gibbs' POV. A little bit longer than Tony's. Hope you liked it. Ziva next! Please review!**


	3. Ziva's POV

Disclaimer: See previous page... 

A/N: Please R&R!!

Ziva's POV 

She knew she didn't fit in. She'd felt it the first day she stepped off the elevator and got introduced to the team. She'd been able to tell from their faces how big shoes she had to fill and that the whole team was convinced she wouldn't manage to do it. They had been right. They'd been cold and Ziva pretty soon understood how worshipped and unique Kate had been. And she knew from the start the they were like a family. A family where she didn't belong.

But they'd done their best, and she'd tried too. Then, after the explosion, they'd told her right out how they felt. It was like a whole year of anger against her was let out. That also proved how strong bonds they all had and once again that she didn't fit in. Her own family had also always been shattered and Ari had actually been on of those whom she was closest to.

She still remembered how horrified she'd felt when she shot him. And now she began to think if it was only a faint attempt to prove herself to the team. She had killed her own brother. Her brother who had protected and taken care of her ever since they were kids. Ari had always been the one whom she adored the most, who supported her and inspired her. But despite the fact that they then grew apart, she knew she had a lot of Ari in her. And that made her feel guilty, for Kate's death. Even if she'd been on the other side of the Earth when it had happened.

She knew she had so many qualities that Ari'd had too. Even the guts to kill without blinking. After Ari was dead, the team did warm up a bit to her. But the fact that Ari was dead, didn't bring Kate back, still showed on their faces. Once again the team began to warm up to her, cause she got Gibbs to remember. She had let down her guard, she had made Gibbs remember and let out all the anger she'd kept inside. Now, Gibbs was gone, Tony was left in charge and she knew the team had gotten new wounds to heal. Tony face had told her it once again. That she didn't fit, and that she definitely not could take Kate's place.

A/N: That was about it...Tell me if you want another POV. Review please, you know how much I love your reviews :D

**//Ida**


End file.
